Would You Love Me

Would you love me if I was homeless
Without a dental plan in the dumps
If one day I lost all my teeth
Would you kiss me on the gums

Would you love me if I told you
I don't even own my hair
I borrowed it from a man named William Shatner
He said he couldn't use it anywhere

I would cry (if you said no)
I would cry (if you were mean)
I would cry
I would cry

Would you hug me if I was armless
And lost those arms in Mexico
Jose Feliciano cut off my fingers
To teach me not to pick my nose

Would you dance with me if I had no legs
And worst of all no rhythm too
If the DJ played Ray Parker Jr.
Would you dance the Electric Boogaloo
I would cry

Would you love me if I told you
I only have a summer job
I work at Mission Bay San Diego
All the water skiers call me Bob

If one day I'm in a coma
With long hairs growing out my nose
Would you pull them with affection
Would you trim and kiss my toes

July 2003: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? I went a long way to tell an old joke here but I like the journey. As an objective observer, five or six years later, I like some of these verses. I congratulate myself on a little bit of cleverness. Once again, I'm embarrassed by the vocals and recording. This was one of the first songs I recorded with Powertracks pro and fruityloops.